A RECOVERING CO-DEPENDENT’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS
Hello everyone. My name is Melissa and I’m a co-dependent.
This week, I get to fly home and stay with my family for 12 days (without my loving husband or my charmingly unofficial emotional support dog.) I love my family more than I can put into words, but this time of year brings out the co-dependent monster in me that I work on keeping at bay the other 11 months out of the year. As a holiday aficionado and over-achiever personality type, Christmas is my time to shine! I strive to be Martha Stewart on every level: thoughtful gift giving, beautifully wrapped gifts, delectable assortment of hundreds and thousands of holiday cookies and fudge, trees decked to the nines, crafts galore, party planning, hosting for family, friends and colleagues (and friends of friends…..did I mention co-dependent?), charitable giving and volunteerism boosted, all while wearing my cutesy holiday themed attire and sipping WAY too many peppermint mochas (Tis the season, am I right!?)
AND then comes the crash. It happens every year. I give and give and give some more until BAM, my body shuts it down. Two years ago, I had a temper tantrum baking cookies as I was going on hour 14 in the kitchen and burned my late Grandmother’s peanut butter fudge recipe. Last year it happened as I was fighting away tears and a fever, trying to curl my youngest sister’s hair for her Nutcracker Ballet performance. This year struck early, a cold that has turned into a respiratory illness because I ignored everyone’s advice last week to rest, slow down, reset. So why would you take advice from me? It sounds like I am a mess right? Well turns out the only person I listen to is myself, so I am writing this down for me as much as you. I hope you can appreciate some of my tips to stay healthy and sane during the holidays as you are maintaining sobriety from substance abuse, staying in recovery from mental health challenges, or trying to keep that co-dependent monster at bay like me.
Melissa’s Top 5 Tips for Surviving Holiday Co-Dependency:
1. Grounding techniques:
Our therapists at The Virtue Center use this as a coping mechanism in group. When you need to get back to basics, try a grounding tool. Everyone is different. Personally, I like taking my shoes off, putting my bare feet on the ground, and taking 3 deep breaths. Here are some more grounding tools at this link: https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#bonus-tips
2. Pause:
I implement this all year. Just take a beat before reacting. Does the situation warrant a reaction from you? Is your in-the-moment reaction beneficial to anyone? Will you regret saying something later? Hold your tongue. Go to the other room. Take a walk. Volunteer. Go to go to the grocery store. It’s tough. You can do it 😊
3. Meditate:
This can fall under grounding techniques, but it’s something I do separate at least twice per day. I use the app called Insight Timer (free for iPhones, but any app of choice works!) I was a meditator-hater until I challenged myself to 30 days of once a day. Now I start each morning and end each evening with a meditation. Start out small. 5 minutes can do wonders for your emotional and mental wellbeing.
4. Find the positive:
So, you burnt your last batch of cookies. Well hey, at least the first 12 batches you made taste great! I try to match each negative with a positive. This works for family too. Your extended family member made a comment about your weight? You have a great job where you can afford to feed yourself any delicious food you want! I call that a compliment.
5. Stay in the moment:
When you are with family that you do not get to see on a regular basis, it is important to stay in the moment. You may want to criticize or worry about them but try to enjoy the moments that you all have together. Life can be fleeting, and we must cherish those that we choose to surround ourselves with.
